What is to be meant as 'to feel lucky' and 'to feel unlucky'. 'Fortune' and 'misfortune'. Вeing 'happy' and 'unhappy'. Semantically, all these concepts having /non-having a single prefix, that is SEEN and was invented to change the meaning of a word to its antipode.
Prefix. Fix…
What about the possibility not just to read, but to feel this prefix as a real fact? If so, what would it be? What would be 'the prefix' as not a characters but something material , something real from which the course of events would be changed from positive to negative and vice versa?
I think all it definitely would be a tiny fact, a little event or insignificant thing that actually ( but we unaware about it) turns out to be a most important gear in all the chain of events. Something alike Bradbury's The butterfly Effect.

Sometimes the facet between what we feel - either positive or negative - so fuzzy that cannot be determined clear. It was always a puzzle to me how to discriminate what actually you feel more while you are feeling both the positive and the negative in one time…

I noticed I'm getting inclined to consider 'fatal days' or 'lucky days' in one's life cycle - what astrologers or numerologist are so insisting of – as something not quite supernatural, but way 'being determined by а time-space quantum precedence for a single observer', scientifically. It reminds a feeling of 'unaware dicer': you play without discriminating rolls, asking yourself of why all of it happens like that - i.e. you do what you do - and why all of it so differs from what you had thought before… thought of free will and destiny.

23th Octorber 2011. 10:20
The morning was fine. I knew that my daughter with her husband had flied to Turkey on Friday, to see places near a lake named Van.










23th October 2011.14:20
I knew from media, that a strong earthquake happened in eastern Turkey near the city Van. I give a phone call, another, third…In vain tried I to call her both by mobiles and voip, it was silence on the other side. I felt totally frustrated and my heart was bleeding…

23th October 2011.17:30
Keep ringing. The phones out of range.

23th Octorber 2011.20:30
My mobile rung and displayed an unknown number. What I was informed was quite other kind of information, aside of what happened in Turkey. It was a very sad new…
One person, a young woman I knew, died. Supposed to be a suicide. I feel shocked as no later than one month I saw her. I like her and always felt friendly to her.
By then I found her well, had a short talk to her; she smiled and seems alright…however, well I cautiously noted in myself, that her smile seems a kind more polite than usual, and her eyes this day seemed a bit sadden about someone or something… That day we had met each other in a public place as two passers-by; no long talk being meant. I was in hurry. Either, I suppose, she was. However, I felt inside while we started talking, she seemed to want me to stay me a little longer to keep talking. I felt it by then. Very probably she wanted to say to me of what she had been thinking all this time, but not yet decided to. I didn't know what and now will never know what it is…Now I feel angry for myself. If I only knew what is was – it might have been leading her to what she did - I'd try to reassure her + would help as much as I could. I had a good chance to stop it, at least to try to save a single human life! I really catching myself up of what the fool I am as just not to suppose the fact that she just might feel uneasy to talk to me about her troubles, yet obviously anticipating not to look as a bother - while I HAVING seen visibly something wrong with her was so dumbassedly tactless as to being a complete near-sighted idiot …Whether or not what happened, IS happened, helas. I still cannot believe it…She was a single mother of two children. A pretty, slim, a bit naïve young woman with big blue eyes. When I saw her last time I found her anorexic: I thought she is generally fine, but must have been excessively obsessed with a fat-fight idea fix, but in fact I got mistaken- it has been caused by other strictly psychological reasons like her environment and, partly, her own attitude to her life – I before had known her taking some things too hard. Later from one of her relatives, I had known the details that followed it. Well. Her first marriage was not happy. When she met her second husband she seemed absolutely happy. She loved that man sincerely and deeply, and wanted to have a child. But. The life maybe full of surprises. Unpleasant sometime… Her husband turned out to be a hard junkie . She previously had little known this fact - during 2 years of their family life, he had managed somehow to ably hide all the traces of his addiction. To time that she had it obvious, she got pregnant with 3 month kid. All this time all the money (both that had been spared + current) were leeched to the addiction – and he always lied her under various excuses where it goes for- up to the state of completely being out of cash to buy to herself a minimal foodstuffs to breastfeed a child in full . One day that man run away as she + children were outside. Next she knew was the fact he had a crime committed and was under recognizance not to leave. It was not the worse. The second was worse – he had a lot of debts, including big sums of money for 'business' loaned from the bank unofficially reputed as totally 'criminal' and 'mafia laundry'… So far, it is all that I know. Also I know that her mother after her giving a birth to her second child, suddenly took a dislike to her, calls her bad names and treated her as a 'prodigal daughter'… Enough writing about. RIP. I feel so sorry for my indifference. I'll be praying for you.




23th Octorber 2011. 20:21

А short signal informed of the sms taken : 'Been outta range. It is all right. We still in one of towns 400 off Van area, as before we had decided not to hurry… Kisses.) '.